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Frankensteinian Buds, Nuts & Bolts

How does one breed cannabis the man-made way, though?

Let’s talk about sex. I mean, plant-sex to be more specific. Cannabis plants can be either male or female. The latter are imperative, because they’re the ones that produce all the fantastic buds that both you and I so excitedly crave. It’s important to not count out the former however, as they’re needed to pollinate for full breeding purposes with the production of pollen sacs.

New strains can be created in nature when a male plant grows near a female plant. Once released, the wind can do its wonderful work and bring said pollen to pollinate the nearby female. If only this is how they could have bothered to specifically teach us in high school biology class, then I probably would have paid much more attention. Like, all the attention!

How does one breed cannabis the man-made way, though? Once the two parent strains are chosen to be cross-pollinated together, they’re brought into what’s known as a “Breeding Chamber”, and yes, it’s actually a lot less horrifying and Cronenbergian than it sounds. These chambers can vary in size. Really depends on the kind of operation you’re running.

If it’s more of a, shall we say, “Mom & Pop smaller op”, then an enclosed environment with plastic sheeting should do the trick. If you’ve got something decidedly far more opulent and ambitious coming down the proverbial pollen-pipeline, you’ll want a much larger-scaled and entirely sterilized environment. Whatever grows your green. You do you!

When growing your hybrid strain into something brand spanking new, it’s important to have more female plants than male. Remember that! One male plant can pollinate several female plants all at once. It’s a good idea to put your plants through the proper paces during the day. Half in light and half in dark. Upon total pollination and complete growth into full maturity, the seeds from the female plant can be grown into tiny cutie-pie baby plants themselves.

Just what exactly are these little adorable seedlings called? Phenotypes. Those who grow cannabis are always looking for the best kinds of buds to sell you on their respective store shelves. A Green Thumb always knows which buds are best buds for mass production. This is called “pheno-hunting.” If you’re just starting out in the breeding space, chances are you’re probably pretty, ahem... green

(no, I won’t apologize for the pun).

It’s important to remember that this takes both time and patience. Lots of it. You won’t necessarily get all the best work right out of the gate. Chances are, you’ll probably get a lot of lacklustre products in the interim at the start, but it’s all in the service of the top tier down the road. Try and try again. Actually, “Do or do not. There is no try.” Yeah, maybe listen to Yoda.

The names! Let’s not forget the names! All the different strains of weed have the coolest names. They’re like obscure hipster bands you’ve basically never heard of, but randomly discovered one night and become their most ardent and diehard devoted fan. When making new strains, it’s key to give them amazingly baller names. It’s kind of a major necessity. Something super cool like “Jet-Stream Narcolepsy”, or whatever. Wait, hold on! Now that I’m thinking about it, that’s actually not half bad. Alright, I’m trademarking that one! It’s mine! All mine!


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