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Spiders, Witches & Ghouls, Oh My!

Tombstones with impeccably creative epitaphs are my jam.

Maybe it’s the hair. Maybe it’s the pincers. Or is it the creepy, beady, black eyes? For whatever utterly indiscernible reason, I truly, truly, hate spiders. Not just spiders, but also tarantulas, and arachnids in all forms, without prejudice. Make no mistake, dear cherished reader, ye old Mary Jane has not lost their edge. Not at all. I still love all manner of ghouls, goblins and grim fairy tales regaling death and re-animated rebirth in all their macabre machinations. I truly respect home-owners who “go all out” every year for Halloween.

Tombstones with impeccably creative epitaphs are my jam. When there be witches with comically large noses, accented with disturbingly large boils on the tips, I just wanna pop them all, and see the pustule ooze from the wounds. Gross, right? I love black cats (and you should too, they get a totally unwarranted bad rap for nothing). I just don’t like spiders. Even fake ones that people put on their lawns. Every time I walk up to a door, my body tenses up, I feel immediately feverish, and want to run away immediately. I just can’t be around them. I just can’t. And there’s no reason why.

People always want an explanation for why things are the way they are. A deep flaw in the human consciousness. If everything’s always explained, then there’s no mystery left in the world. Once upon a time, I used to love bugs. I really did. Slimy, yet satisfying. As time has marched ever onward, I’m now hyper-wary of crossing paths with any of Earth’s creepiest of crawlies.

All that being said, I still do genuinely enjoy this time of year. From the colour-changing leaves, to its being unofficially dubbed as “Sweater Weather”. Fall is also my favourite season, after all. Halloween as a day itself is a day of full dark and sinister self-expression. People get free rein to dress in whatever costume they deem fit. Whether it be something from those rather odd Spirit Halloween Stores, or something made entirely with love at home.

You can watch horror movies with loved ones, curled up together on a big comfy couch under a mountain of blankets. You can also stay in and give out candy to all the eager children at the door. Half the fun is seeing little toddlers waddling around in flamboyant elephant costumes two sizes too big for them. #CutenessOverload

Where will yours truly be? Once again with my nose pressed hard up against the glass. Fogging up the windows with feverish anticipation and deliriously bated breath, the following morning. I’m on a hunt for mad discounted candies of all sorts. What can I say? I’m a creature of habit. Those habits are old, and they die very, very hard. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Happy Halloween!


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