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Watch Your Six

It’s safe to say that almost every Star Wars game was an absolute classic.

It's easy to get cynical about nostalgia. People love decrying ‘memba berries’ as nothing more than soulless cash grabs. In some situations, they definitely can be, but that’s not always automatically the case. One of the happiest moments I’ve experienced in the last few years was honestly recently discovering that my old Xbox that I thought I’d lost, was just previously stuffed in its old box, and it still works. Not only that it still works, but that it still has all of my old save files safely stored on the very same hard drive. And not only that it had all of my old save files, but that I still have many of my original games. Need For Speed:

Most Wanted chiefly among them, is still the best NFS game ever made. The campaign to rise up the ranks of The Blacklist goes so much harder than any racing game deserves to.

Movie tie-in games are an absolute crapshoot. I think we can all agree though that in many ways Lord of the Rings did it the best. The Two Towers and in more ways, The Return of the King are the absolute cream of the gaming crop.

It’s safe to say that almost every Star Wars game was an absolute classic. I said “almost”. So don’t @ me. Whatever your opinion is on the current state of Star Wars, I think we can all agree that the original versions of Battlefront I and Battlefront II were and still are absolutely flawless pieces of art. It only took them twenty years to release the Classic Collection for today’s gen consoles. That aforementioned launch from a couple weeks past wasn’t nearly as abysmally apocalyptic as many of the worst clickbait posts would have you believe.

I truly miss the good-old-days when you could rent video games. ‘Memba video game rentals? I ‘memba. If movie rentals from Rogers or Blockbuster were for two or three days, you could rent a video game for five. The beauty of renting a game is in its relatively low stakes. If the game is great, then you can always re-rent it the following weekend. If the game is utter gutter-trash, you never have to play it again. All it cost was the skin off your back scraped off into a crisp fiver.

Sadly, with the current state of the world, rental options for gaming no longer exist anymore. Now you just have to buy a game and... hope it’s good? And those games also cost double what they used to from twenty years ago. Granted, you can ‘recycle’ your games to EB Ga-- I mean Game Stop. But that’s like selling anything you bought, you’ll always get far less than what you originally paid for. I love living in a capitalist nightmare hellscape, so much...

I used to play online a lot when I was younger. There was a lot of Call of Duty in Junior High and High School. A lot of my early twenties, I had to cut back on the gaming. Not by choice, but by necessity, of you know, becoming an adult. Gross, I know. Now, in my early thirties, I’ve gladly been able to carve out a healthy work-life and balance with gaming. Admittedly, there was a fear of jumping back into the den of iniquity that is online gaming lobbies, though. Am I able to be just as good at Team Deathmatches as I was fifteen years ago?

Spoiler alert: I’m not as good as I used to be. I’m actually better. It’s like I never left.

But what to do about all the obnoxious caterwauling from other players that have yet to hit puberty? Thank The Maker for the Mute Button. The only thing that makes dominating Modern Warfare III matches, is dominating Modern Warfare III matches with an absolute banger of a self-curated Spotify playlist. You know the feeling when a song comes on and it just perfectly fits what’s going on at the exact moment? Yeah, that feeling.

Need help with what to add? Here’s some great sample-examples from yours truly, in no particular order:

-Pretty Waste (Bones UK)

-God’s Gonna Cut You Down (Johnny Cash)

-No Sacrifice, No Victory (Steve Jablonsky)

-I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow (The Soggy Bottom Boys)

-Diamond Eyes (Shinedown)

-Brothers in Arms (Junkie XL)

-Growing Up Londinium (Daniel Pemberton)

-Scorponok (Steve Jablonsky)

-A Dark Knight (Hans Zimmer)

-My Sharona (The Knack)

-Sixteen Hundred Men (Thomas Newman)

-No Sleep till Brooklyn (Beastie Boys)

-Bodies (Drowning Pool)

-Shots Fired (Le Castle Vania)

-Duel of the Fates (John Williams)

-Cancion del Mariachi (Antonio Banderas)

-Stuck in the Middle with You (Stealers Wheel)

-Sabotage (Beastie Boys)

-Mama Said Knock You Out (LL Cool J)

-Money (Pink Floyd)

-Psycho Killer (Talking Heads)

Also-also, here’s my Top 3 COD Tips for online play:

1) Constant Movement. Nobody likes a camper. Even when I’m sniping, I always make sure

to get up and go. Never stay in the same place twice. It’s called ‘Run n’ Gun’ for a reason.

2) “Clear the corners, rookie.”-Commissioner Gordon in The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

3) A.B.R. (Always Be Reloading)

You’re welcome, in advance. Now, if these songs don’t get you totally jacked up and utterly excited to absolutely dominate a blood-pumping Kill Confirmed match on Rust, then I simply don’t know what to tell you. Happy hunting!


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